Woe is me....

In the past two weeks I have managed to complete one whole book and start another. For me, this is a major accomplishment! What is crazy is how God is using these two books to radically change my life. This second book I am reading now is making me stop and think about creation and my Creator. The more I think the more I realize how insignificant I am, and how unimaginable, amazing, astonishing, unfathomable our God is. Even more amazing than this is that He has a Crazy Love for me.
So I was laying in bed and I was thinking about all this stuff and I couldn't sleep. How can you sleep when you begin to think about God and His attributes? It has taken over my mind. I want to go out on my roof and shout out how much I love him. But is that enough....No. I can never do enough. But yet God still loves me... Its hard to comprehend.
So... I have always been the kind of person to try and buck the system, but I feel the urge now more than ever. I don't think half of us have a clue of God or what He is about. I mean...if we did, then I don't think we would continue to do what we do. We get up and do our same routine over and over and over. Its monotonous... We live the life as a good Christian... We go to church, we pray and worship, we even read Bible stories to our children. These activities even "fulfill us"... But is this the Life of a Christian... If so, then I quit! Because God didn't create me to live on this magnificent ball we call Earth to spin around the amazing big ball of fire we call the Sun, just to live a NORMAL Christian life. He created everything so big and huge that I have to believe He created me that way to... I don't want to live and die just to be known as a good Christian... I want to spend the rest of my life changing the lives of others. I want to make sure I take care of the widowed and the orphaned. I want my life to be NOT about me. If I live life to gain something then I have lived it for the wrong reasons. What if when Paul said "to die is gain", he didn't mean a physical death. What if he meant a death of all his desires. The death of selfishness. Most of us, including me, live life to pay for our nice house, to pay for our nice car, to pay for the nice school for our children...We save up money in our savings accounts and our 401K's so that "we" can have a good retirement...But when was the last time we paid for someone in need, or took care of a child without a hope and a future?
GOD please HELP me... I hate who I have become! This world has transformed my thinking into caring more about myself than others. I have missed the message of the Bible. And the only person to blame is myself. Woe is me... for I am a man of unclean lips...
Welcome to my heart... I hope you get it...

Where am I?

Hey all my peeps...

 It feels like it has been forever since I have written something on my blog. So I am sitting here in my office and I had the urge to write. The past couple of days have been liberating. I finally finished this semester of school. I honestly thought it was never going to end. I found myself asking this question everyday, "God, do I really have to go to school for 2 more years?" To be honest, I don't think God has responded. So I will continue through school until I know God wants me to do something different. 

 It seems as though everything in my life leads to this word  we call patience. I have been learning this word for the past 6 months or so. I think I am just now coming to a place in my life where I am okay with it most of the time (some days I am not okay with it). Right now I am surrounded with the works of God. I see him working in all these areas of my life. For awhile I was so frustrated because, from my eye sight, God was not working in my life. All these amazing things were happening around me but I wasn't experiencing the joy that everyone else was experiencing. But a couple of weeks ago I realized why I was seeing things this way. See I was raised to believe that God has amazing things in store for my life. I was taught all the promises in the Bible like Proverb 3:5-6 where God says he will direct our paths, and Jeremiah 29:11 where we have the promise that God has plans of a great future for us, and even 1 Corinthians 2:9 that speaks of God having things prepared for us beyond our comprehension. My whole life I have been looking ahead in time asking God, "when will I get to these great promises you have for me?" Here is where I found my problem. I have been so focused on WHEN God was going to do these great things in my future that I have missed all the small things He has been doing in my midst. 

 For me, I want to be used by God to do GREAT things. I want to impact this world for Christ. In my head that means being the next Rob Bell or Francis Chan, but that is not what God has in mind. He doesn't need another one of those guys , mainly because He already has them, but what He needs is for me to be obedient to Him right now. One day I will look back over my life and see that God has done incredible things through me, and I will be able to see that it was nothing of my own works, but of Christ through me. All I need to know is that at the end of the day, if I was obedient to the will of Christ... then I have accomplished what God wants for me today. 

 So to answer the question "Where am I?"... I am exactly where God wants me for today...