I give you all of me for all you ARE...

Well as I write this God is continuing to speak to me in amazing ways. Its almost like the Bible has come alive. I have been studying this guy named Solomon in the Old Testament. He was the son of David. Long story short at the age of 20 he becomes the King of the nation of Israel. In 1 kings chapter 3 God appears to Solomon and ask him the most amazing question in the world. The God of the universe asks a fleshly man... "ask whatever you want me to give to you." Solomon at this moment in time could have asked for anything that he ever desired. He could have asked for money or power or even long life... but he doesn't ask for any of these things. No he simply states to God that he wants the wisdom to lead His people. Solomon told God, I give you all of me for all you ARE... This is the heart that I desire.

This week has been another tough week. Even though I am hearing God clearly, I still have to make the choice of whether or not I am going to act upon what I am learning. Every morning and about 100 times throughout the day I have to surrender everything I am and ask for everything God is. One of my professors this week gave my a quote that I am trying to live my life by. It goes like this, "You may never know that Jesus is all you need, until Jesus is all you have." I am trying my hardest to get to a place in my life where I am totally content with Jesus and Jesus alone. So many times my desires, even good desires, become my focus instead of Christ. I want to be at a place where I am okay if my desires are never fulfilled, because I know that Christ death on the cross was more than I'll ever deserve. 

 GOD I give you all of me for all you ARE!!! 

God opens doors...God closes doors...

Here I am again back at square one. Tonight in my old testament class God reminded me once again about patience. But I have to admit, I am quite angry with God. Right when I feel I know where He is leading He shuts the door in my face. Right when I start to get excited about whats to come, He tells me "no, this is not for you." My desire it to give everything I am; I desire to be completely surrendered to God's will. But God has a mean curve ball. Right when I am focused on what I think He has placed before me, I swing away... MISS!!!
Tonight on the way home, I heard a song by the band Mainstay. The chorus states, "when all around me starts to fall, and when my faith it seems so small. Even in my darkest hour, I will believe. Even when the sun begins to fall, even when I feel nothing at all. Even if I'm alone, I will believe." This is where I am spiritually. I refuse to give up on God's plan for my life. Even when I don't understand or I am just plain mad! I still believe that God is working in my life. I just need to lay my desires at God's feet and allow Him to do with them what He wants. And of course be PATIENT! I hate that word.
To be even more honest! Where I am spiritually right now...hurts! I know that it is a good thing to be refined by God. But last time I checked, sitting in a blazing fire was not all that comfortable. One day I will look back and be thankful for what God has taken me through. I just pray it comes sooner rather than later.

Why am I awake???

It is Sunday morning and my computer says that it is 4:19am. I feel as though God is keeping me awake. Why? I don't know. When I realized that I was not going to be able to fall back asleep I just got up and thought... Why not write a blog? So here I am! Yesterday was absolutly amazing! Jamie had my birthday all planned out for me. I mean the whole day! She woke me up with breakfast in bed. She made my favorite, Cinnamon Rolls. To this she tells me that throughout my day I will receive 25 gifts. Hint...I turned 25. The first gift was my birthday card, the second was the cinnamon rolls, and the third was a glass of milk. The glass of milk is pretty important to me because right now my doctor says I am not allowed to have it (long story). Anyways I was excited. So the gifts continued, but some of the gifts were more special than the others. Jamie had taken the time to write on these pieces of paper that she cut into hearts all the things she really loved about me. Wow! These truly made my day. Jamie put so much effort into making my Birthday amazing!
Suddenly....... I do feel as though I know why I am awake. When I woke up... I had God and His plans for Jamie and I on my mind. Last night Jamie and I were discussing my current situation in life and my frustrations with it. Regardless of who, what and when's, I felt like I was doing something wrong... So when I woke up this morning, God was saying to me..."Chris I have placed you exactly where I want you to be for now." I understood exactly what it meant.
I am having the hardest time being patient right now. I feel like God has given me a glimpse of my future but He is telling me "Not Now." It is hard to wait. It is hard to trust. But I know the outcome will be so much better if I wait and trust.
Everyday I have Air 1's verse of the day sent to my phone. Yesterday's verse was Isaiah 65:24 which states, "I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!" God is so Faithful. Yesterday that verse didn't mean much, but this morning it means so much! God knew exactly where my heart was and before I had the time to pray...He gave me the answer. Now this doesn't mean it is the answer I want, but I know it is what I need.
So I guess I will end this with...I found out why I was awake!!!

Just when I thought it couldn't get better....It did!

God is so amazing! The past couple of days have been days filled with God proving just how incredible He is. I am simply blown away. Everywhere I turn there are doors being opened. It's like God has placed each step in front of me and all I have to do is take that step. I am still not sure what God has in store with my future, but I have to say that I am enjoying the ride! What is even more incredible is that God has united Jamie and I together for this. This journey, though hard, has strengened our marriage. Just when I thought I had all the love my wife needed...God gave me HIS love for her. Just when I thought our marriage was the best it could be... it got better!!! God is in the business of showing His Magnificent Glory. All He ask of us is to TRUST Him. God's plans are so much better than my plans.
God here I am.....SEND ME...I AM AVAILABLE...I WILL GO WHERE YOU WANT ME TO GO.

Tapestry in the making...

Right now in my life there are so many things going on. I honestly feel like God is doing all these incredible things around me. Everywhere I look lives are being changed for the good. My brother and his wife are about to have a baby boy. Alex has found a home and will be in America this year. So with all this going on around me it would be quite easy to say "God? When are we going to be able to experience this incredible life change?" For the past couple of weeks I have had my ups and downs regarding God's timing. But what I have come to learn is that God sees so much more than I do. That is where this whole tapestry topic comes into play. God is constantly looking at this incredible tapestry that He is working on every second of our lives. Philippians 1:6 states, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Everyday when I wake up I have to trust in the fact that God is still working in me. What this means to me is that He is preparing me for something incredible. He is constantly molding me into what He wants me to be. But I have to be patient. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not in control. 1 Corinthians 2:9 says that "eyes have not seen, ears have not heard and minds have not conceived what Christ has prepared for those who love Him." If I believe what the Word of God says then I have to believe that there is something in the making that will blow my mind away. Each day that I am obedient to God's will I get the privilege of experiencing His desires for my life. This was my thoughts for today...