Here I am again back at square one. Tonight in my old testament class God reminded me once again about patience. But I have to admit, I am quite angry with God. Right when I feel I know where He is leading He shuts the door in my face. Right when I start to get excited about whats to come, He tells me "no, this is not for you." My desire it to give everything I am; I desire to be completely surrendered to God's will. But God has a mean curve ball. Right when I am focused on what I think He has placed before me, I swing away... MISS!!!
Tonight on the way home, I heard a song by the band Mainstay. The chorus states, "when all around me starts to fall, and when my faith it seems so small. Even in my darkest hour, I will believe. Even when the sun begins to fall, even when I feel nothing at all. Even if I'm alone, I will believe." This is where I am spiritually. I refuse to give up on God's plan for my life. Even when I don't understand or I am just plain mad! I still believe that God is working in my life. I just need to lay my desires at God's feet and allow Him to do with them what He wants. And of course be PATIENT! I hate that word.
To be even more honest! Where I am spiritually right now...hurts! I know that it is a good thing to be refined by God. But last time I checked, sitting in a blazing fire was not all that comfortable. One day I will look back and be thankful for what God has taken me through. I just pray it comes sooner rather than later.
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Wow, son i think this is where i am right now, i'm amazed at how God reveals Himself in so many little things. I'm so proud of you guys for your desire to follow even when you don't understand. Love You.
ReplyDeleteRemember the roots of Judaism in which you are allowed to mad at God as long as you don't forget who He is or that He truly has your best interest at HEART!!! A great challenge from Cooper's class this morning... Always find God in the original scriptures and in the work or journey he's taking us through. Regardless of how tough or how amazingly joyful. Too many times we forget about God when things are going great!
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