Woe is me....

In the past two weeks I have managed to complete one whole book and start another. For me, this is a major accomplishment! What is crazy is how God is using these two books to radically change my life. This second book I am reading now is making me stop and think about creation and my Creator. The more I think the more I realize how insignificant I am, and how unimaginable, amazing, astonishing, unfathomable our God is. Even more amazing than this is that He has a Crazy Love for me.
So I was laying in bed and I was thinking about all this stuff and I couldn't sleep. How can you sleep when you begin to think about God and His attributes? It has taken over my mind. I want to go out on my roof and shout out how much I love him. But is that enough....No. I can never do enough. But yet God still loves me... Its hard to comprehend.
So... I have always been the kind of person to try and buck the system, but I feel the urge now more than ever. I don't think half of us have a clue of God or what He is about. I mean...if we did, then I don't think we would continue to do what we do. We get up and do our same routine over and over and over. Its monotonous... We live the life as a good Christian... We go to church, we pray and worship, we even read Bible stories to our children. These activities even "fulfill us"... But is this the Life of a Christian... If so, then I quit! Because God didn't create me to live on this magnificent ball we call Earth to spin around the amazing big ball of fire we call the Sun, just to live a NORMAL Christian life. He created everything so big and huge that I have to believe He created me that way to... I don't want to live and die just to be known as a good Christian... I want to spend the rest of my life changing the lives of others. I want to make sure I take care of the widowed and the orphaned. I want my life to be NOT about me. If I live life to gain something then I have lived it for the wrong reasons. What if when Paul said "to die is gain", he didn't mean a physical death. What if he meant a death of all his desires. The death of selfishness. Most of us, including me, live life to pay for our nice house, to pay for our nice car, to pay for the nice school for our children...We save up money in our savings accounts and our 401K's so that "we" can have a good retirement...But when was the last time we paid for someone in need, or took care of a child without a hope and a future?
GOD please HELP me... I hate who I have become! This world has transformed my thinking into caring more about myself than others. I have missed the message of the Bible. And the only person to blame is myself. Woe is me... for I am a man of unclean lips...
Welcome to my heart... I hope you get it...