God?

It has been awhile since I have blogged. Everyday for the past week I have been telling myself to get on and write down some of the thoughts that have been coming to my head, but I always forget. So its Monday morning and today is my off day! I was sitting at the computer catching up on some homework and I realized that I needed to write. The past few weeks have been filled with days of me questioning God. Questions like God! What are you doing? Where are you? Why can't I hear you?  I desire more than anything to be in His will and doing what He wants me to do. But I have no clue what that is... I have been begging God for clarity. Then on the way to class the other night I heard these lyrics come from my ipod...." I am one tear in the dropping rain, one voice in a sea of pain, could the Maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart? One life, that's all I am. Right now I can barely stand. If you're everything you say you are would you come close and hold my heart?" Again I found a song that defined me. I wanted to know that God was there and that He knew my heart was breaking. At this moment God spoke, and again through song. Next my ipod said this..."well my love is over, it's underneath, it's inside, it's in between, these times you're healing, and when your heart breaks, the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace, the times you're hurting, the times that you heal, the times you go hungry and attempted to steal, in times of confusion and chaos and pain, I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame, I'm there through your heartache, I'm there in the storm, my love I will keep you by my power alone, I don't care where you've fallen, where you have been, i'll never forsake you, my love never ends, it never ends..." This is what I needed to hear. God was there and He cared about each tear I have cried. He knows my heart and knows exactly what I need. 

 Crazy as that night was God wasn't finished. So that night when I got home, I jumped on facebook to check in with my friends. I would have never guessed what would have happened next. There was a young man (he is 15 years old) on facebook that night that I haven't spoken with in 2 years. I was the student pastor of a church in Marietta, Ga and he came with some friends to a church retreat. This kid was one of those kids that just stuck out of the crowd, and one you would never forget. Anyways he and his family moved away shortly after the retreat and we just lost touch. That night we friended each other and he began to talk with me through facebook chat. After talking for hours he began to tell me that he was struggling with some really hard stuff. As he walked me through where he was spiritually, I began to realize that I had been exactly where he was. We had a very similar struggle. The struggle was pornography. At this moment in time God spoke again! When I was this young man's age I longed for someone to help free me from this addiction. But the shame that I felt inside kept me from seeking out someone. I needed someone to come to me. Just as this young man needed. The guilt and shame he was bearing was unimaginable. But that night God allowed me to be apart of this young man being "SET FREE!" It was an incredible experience seeing God use my horrible past to help set someone free. That night God said CHRIS! I am here! I have not gone anywhere!